


you're not who i remember

by dearparker



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Good versus Evil, Head Injury, Hurt, Hurt Peter Parker, Nightmares, Peter Parker Has Issues, Peter Parker Has Nightmares, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Scared Peter Parker, definitely, that one with the other mother, y'all know that one scene in coraline, yes - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-21
Updated: 2020-09-21
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:20:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26453260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dearparker/pseuds/dearparker
Summary: "You're nothing but a fool, but I promise you I'll show you the ways!"The world starts to turn and Peter barely has enough time to grasp on to something before the wind is knocked out of him. He screams in pain and the tears well up in his eyes, the world passing by in a swirl of red and white.When he does land, his femur breaks on the impact and he can't hold in the whimper that pass between his lips, turning into a cry when pressure is added onto the broken bone. There's a hand forcing him to look up."It's for your own good," He says. It's him but it isn't. He'd never become this dark and twisted, but their faces are the same. They're the same person in a way they'd never whisper to another soul.It hurts as much as saying goodbye.(or: peter parker hasgotto work on his issues)
Relationships: Peter Parker & Sam Wilson, Peter Parker & Stephen Strange, Peter Parker & Tony Stark, Wanda Maximoff & Peter Parker
Comments: 2
Kudos: 27





	you're not who i remember

Weightless.

It was the only word to describe this feeling, where his arms drift up and down on the sides of his body and his hair flutters anywhere he twitched his head. Peter's felt like this before. When the world launched itself into a battle with aliens and he'd been desperate to save Stephen Strange, and he couldn't breathe as he watched the depths of space nearly swallow him whole. His body felt like ice and with one final inhale and a sharp reassurance from Tony, he had let go.

Tony promised to catch him, and he had. But those few moments where he couldn't hear the wind rushing past his own limp body? Terrifying.

He could feel it though. It was cold, sharp and biting as his skin through his suit and it felt like needles. His heart hammered so harshly in his chest and despite Tony's promise he had thought that that was it. And somewhere in his mind he remembered the 2012 invasion.

When Tony Stark fell through the sky after flying a missile into the wormhole which had saved him all. He wonders if this is what Rhodey had felt back in Germany. The fear clutching his heart and lungs so tight to the point where he couldn't breathe. That's what Peter felt when he let go.

And then he slammed into something he would later come to realize was the capsule holding the Iron Spider suit, his inhale so sharp he swore there was a metal taste in his mouth.

Now it's different this time around, where the air around him is similar to a blazing fire and he's falling slowly, one arm extended above his head from an impact before he slams into the asphalt. It's dark, either the world or just his vision, but there it is. The fear.

_"Peter!"_

Tony. No, that wasn't Tony. Tony was dead. Gone with vacant eyes and charred skin. The person's voice was riddled with concern and the shrill scream echoed in his mind. Captain America. It was Sam, and then he felt a warm hand on his chest. The echo doesn't leave and then Sam is touching his face, his bare face and his fingers are wet.

Peter's sinking and he just can't seem to hold on. He can't see through the dark and he feels the water in his lungs, and he wants to hold Sam's hand.

When he comes back up for air, he hacks up the water he had inhaled and his hands grip onto something cold, cracking under the pressure. Water drips down his lips as he sputters. It drips down his bare arms, battered and bruised they are, and he's confused as to where he could possibly be.

He's in a bathtub, filled to the brim with water and it spilled over the edge when he had surfaced. The bathroom tiles are covered in grime and the light overhead flickers _one, two, three, four_ times before it shuts off and he's plunged into darkness. A shiver runs up his spine and he twitches with the anticipation, until the light simply flickers _one, two, three_ times before it glows brightly. He exhales a cloud of air that seems to freeze before his eyes.

Peter shakes his head wildly and scrambles from the bathtub, his spider-sense roaring to life. He yelps sharply when three spiders begin to skitter up his legs and he slaps at them, only for his heart to lurch when he sees the bruise left behind and the blood from the spider nearly outlines it in a mocking way. His teeth chatter as he watches the bath water freeze over from where he once sat to it's middle.

"What the hell?" Peter asks himself and he crosses his arms over his chest. The walls are painted a blood red and it unsettles his stomach, but he tries to push that bubble down. He's only dressed in his boxers and the plaid pattern clings to his thighs, and as the cold air that envelopes him begins to settle deep within his bones, he starts to wonder.

Forcing himself to move through his panic-consuming confusion, his hands come to rest upon the sink under the mirror yet it cracks almost instantly. He gulps at the cracked webs and he's suddenly extremely nauseous. When he looks himself in the mirror the nausea only gets worse.

Blue traces under the skin, racing from his eyelids to his cheekbones, and green beside the corner of his mouth. There's dried blood in his right eyebrow from a cut in his hairline and when he reaches up to touch it, there's a sharp stab at his heart. He can barely conceal his gasp of pain and he turns, ripping the door open.

He's not going to sit and wait, not when he could at least figure out what's going on.

Peter inhales and exhales _(slowly, hold, exhale)_ while his fingers tap lightly against the wall as he goes, oblivious to the way the wallpaper decides to tear apart and decay at his touch, all of his attention on the smell coming from the main room. There's a soft voice, a woman snarking at someone else and his heart thuds even faster in his chest.

_"You know what, Romanoff."_

His heart drops. Right through the floor. He's dead, he has to be. But when he turns the corner he sees him. Sees _them._

Steve Rogers is sitting across from Natasha Romanoff, a fork in his hand as he points it at her smirking face. His wrinkles and white hair throws Peter off slightly, but when the man turns he still has a kind smile and Natasha is no different. Her smile doesn't drop when she looks at him either, blood caked in her hair and the end of her braid is thrown over her right shoulder, and her eyes look so tired. But she's dead.

Peter doesn't know what to do, especially not when the man at the sink turns around and stops in his tracks. Tony Stark, _his_ Tony, with charred skin and slightly greyish hair, his smile tired with the deep wrinkles beside his eyes. He steps forward and Peter steps back, only to bump into someone.

For a brief moment, he's horrified. Hasn't even turned back yet he dreads the possibilities of who this could be, someone he doesn't know who's staring at him with wounds they couldn't recover from. Natasha Romanoff still has a wound at the back of her head and her skin remains pale, and Tony continues to stare like a lost puppy with the gash on his head and damnit, charred skin from the infinity stones.

During his moments in the Soul Stone, Peter had the opportunity to meet with many heroes such as Bucky Barnes and Gamora, who told him his aunt was okay. That she hadn't felt a thing. But Peter had met the man who brought havoc to New York back in 2012, who held himself in a painfully familiar way and bled from his eyes, Loki. When the God spoke, it sounded as if he had gargled rocks for breakfast, but he looked on with sad eyes. They sat together in silence most of the time, but he remembers a time he couldn't stop his curiosity.

_"Were you scared?" Peter whispered to the God of Mischief, and the small noise echoed throughout the seemingly vacant land of orange. The water below them never ran and was always still until he pressed his tattered skin to it. Loki glanced at him for a second._

_"I finally had something to lose."_

_Peter couldn't stop his frown of confusion, but he averted his eyes at the ground. The water rippled as he brought his knees up to his chest and they lapsed into silence again._

His breath was frozen in his lungs, soft hands find themselves on his shoulders and it's a girl he's never met before. She had blue eyes and brown hair similar to his, yet there's a three bullet wounds in her chest and her breaths sound grated as she inhales. She doesn't smile at him at all.

“Dinner’s almost ready,” Tony comments with a soft smile. But he looks cautious, palms parallel to the floor as he steps forward slowly.

”You should come sit,” Natasha says. Her hand pats the back of the chair beside her and Tony ushers him over, looking confused when the boy digs his heels into the floor.

Peter heart is lodged in his throat as he stares at his dead heroes, Tony who he watched on the T.V. when he was younger and read comics about Captain America, watching shaky videos of Black Widow in action that were so intoxicating his little thirteen year old heart would almost burst after studying one for hours. But now they were there sitting together as if this was a normal occurrence.

Sam told him they didn't often get to sit together, or even have everyone be in the same room at once, so it'd usually only happen once in a blue moon. Thor would be off world. Clint and Natasha would be on a SHIELD mission. Bruce and Tony were always holed up in the lab. Wanda mostly kept to herself in her room, though Vision would tend to stay with her. Steve would take time to look for Bucky when he could.

To see them together and chatting was odd. But he couldn't say much since he barely knew them to begin with, but still. It was odd.

"I-I need to use the b-bathroom," Peter rasps through the sudden onslaught of emotion. He shrugs off the hands grasping his shoulders, ignoring the way Tony's face flashes with disappointment, and he slowly starts to leave. Steve turns to him with wary eyes.

"You should stay."

The way he says it sends a wave of nausea over Peter, but he swallows it down and stops in the doorway. Steve looks... dreadful. A hidden secret woven into the wrinkles on Steve's face and the way his hand trembles, but then he notices the scar on his chin. 

When he looks at Natasha she looks the same but she hides it behind a smile, "Get back up when you fall."

Peter smiles at her and barely manages to swallow down the bile in his throat, before he turns to leave. The girl from before has piercing eyes as if she’s calculating his every move and watches him go. He doesn’t look back.

He can’t stop himself from itching at his hairline with curiosity. More so fear, but he’s not one to show it. His spider-sense seems to itch under his skin as he gets closer to the bathroom again. As if there's something terrifying behind the door, so large a shadow crawls from beneath the door frame from where it stood, but it would be irrational. He had just been in there before entering the dining room.

There couldn't be anything behind that door. And if there was, it was nothing he couldn't handle. He's _Spider-Man_.

Despite Natasha's eerie warning and Steve's haunted look, there couldn't be much behind that door. Peter's faced countless villains before, from the Vulture to Rhino to Thanos, so whatever their warnings meant he would definitely be able to face it head on.

He's Spider-Man for a reason. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> leave comments and kudos!


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